Time to Wear my taekwondo white belt
I put a dent in my learning the other day.
I was working with a more junior grade on hook kick. Nothing tricky just a front leg hook.
I did my 20 kicks on each leg.
Got a decent sound on the target.
Thought I was doing OK.
And then it was my partners turn.
Her kicks were awesome!
They were higher and more powerful than mine and her overall technique was far superior.
I gave myself such a hard time!
The negative thoughts came thick and fast. 'You're so crap! You're a higher grade you should be able to do better. She's a lower belt than you for goodness sake!'
I'd gone from quite happy to miserable and full of self doubt within the space of 5 minutes!
My partner kindly spent some time teaching me and helping me work on my technique. And although I listened and tried to follow her instructions, I was biting my lip all they way. I found it so hard to make any progress.
Because I thought I should be better. I was struggling with my ego. And the bottom line was that I didn't want to be taught by a lower grade.
When I got home I sat and contemplated the class. And I thought back to my early days of training.
When I wore a taekwondo white belt I had an open mind. I was happy to be the fool. I was happy to learn from anyone. Try anything. And I was happy with whatever I achieved as long as I gave my best.
What's changed? Has the color of my belt closed my mind? Do I think now that as a more senior grade I should have perfect techniques? Am I too up myself to learn from a lower grade?
Hmmmm.... maybe it's yes to all those things. Well that's good. I have a new challenge.
I'm going to try to mentally wear my white belt in class. To drop my ego. To be happy with what I achieve. And to learn from anyone who is kind enough to try to help me.